not much content…

I know that I haven’t posted much as of late with actual content, and for that I apologize. It’s not so much that I’m so totally heels-over-ass in love with CuteFilmNerd that nothing else matters (though there is a bit of that happening, I must admit – it ain’t perfect, but I’m okay with that, ’cause nothing’s perfect anyway).

It’s just that I’m still more burned out re: politics than I realized, though I’m keeping up on what’s going on and frequently have to stop myself from throwing something at the TV when CNN blathers on and on with “analysis” that is well and truly fucking annoying and not really analytical.

(PS: In January I promised that I would watch less CNN, which wasn’t such a hardship for me, as I didn’t watch it much to begin with. However, in January I wasn’t dating a self-proclaimed info addict who feels bereft if he misses CNN during the course of the day, even though he agrees with me that it’s primarily substance-free. I think the only thing he uses his TV for is watching DVDs and CNN. Oh dear.)

So yeah, I know about Sarah Palin and all that, but, ya know what? She’s a distraction. It’s important to know what she’s all about and to sift through the chaff to get at the wheat, especially since, should McCain be elected, she really would be an aneurysm away from the Big Chair. But I prefer to read up on her from sources that are neither rah-rah nor boo-hiss about her, such as Jim over at Stonekettle Station, a man who actually lives in Alaska and knows a thing or two about Palin as both Mayor of Wasilla and Governor of Alaska. He’s no raving ditto-head, being someone who values critical thinking and independent thought, so I trust his judgment in this regard.

Now personally, I don’t like Palin. She’s way too far right-wing on social issues that I care deeply about. Her apparent utter devotion to an extremely social conservative Christian denomination scares the crap out of me because it seems as if she’ll bring religion into government, which I am steadfastly against (see Carlin quote above). I don’t think she’s ready for the big leagues and I don’t agree that she should be taking on such a profoundly huge responsibility at this time (Down’s-Syndrome baby and pregnant teen and all – and yes, I’d say that if a male VP nominee were dealing with the same issues). It doesn’t help that she looks a hell of a lot like a former co-worker whom I didn’t like all that much. And I’m pissed off that it does seem as if one of the main reasons the McCain campaign chose her was to try to appeal to PUMAs and, they hope, other women. Granted, those women are not only supremely stupid but are betraying everything that Hillary Clinton has stood for to them, but still, for the rest of us with double X chromosomes – that is fucking insulting. Contrary what some may think, my brain cells did not migrate to my breasts once they started to develop at puberty (though that might explain why men stare at them when ostensibly talking to me).

But I have to say, if Palin has actually been a good governor for Alaska? Good on her. She gets credit for that and I will gladly give it. However, I do think she should just continue to be governor.

John Amato and Arianna Huffington are right. We are letting McCain and his campaign distract us with his glittery new VP nominee and we have got to stop. She’s not up for election. He is. We need to stop letting him sit back with that scary smirk as he lets Palin continue to be the shiny nickel that distracts us from his slight-of-hand.

(Tortured metaphor much?)

world of confusion…

…that’s where I’m living right now. I can’t remember the last time I was so conflicted in my life. Even when my family did its little implody-thing a few years back, there was a clear side to be on. There was a right side and a wrong side. Now… There is no right and there is no wrong. There aren’t even really sides here. There are differences that may or may not be insurmountable. And I can’t figure it out. One minute I think that, with hard work, differences can be bridged in some way, perhaps with an objective opinion. The next minute, I think there’s no way that the differences can be bridged. Which feels like a sucker punch to the gut, which leads me right back to, “Maybe compromises can be found.” Which causes me to spin and spin and spin, because I keep thinking that I’ve found the end of the trail, when it’s really just my own tail I’m chasing.

Too much confusion and no resolution makes Carol a sad and tired girl.


The never-before-linked-here but ever lovely bstewart23 recently wrote most awesome entry regarding things to try in the new year. I strongly recommend that y’all read it.

I gotta say, I’m very happy that 2008 is here. While 2007 started out most fantastically, somewhere around half way through, sucking commenced. Most of it was financial, some of it was relationship and friendship related, some of it was health related and some of it was old depressive ghosts coming back to haunt.

Over the last four months I’ve had a lot of spinning around in place because I’ve been so mentally overwhelmed by issues that I didn’t know what to do next. And I’m battling things that leave me utterly perplexed about their outcomes, because I’m not the only person involved in resolving these problems, yet I may have to force resolutions at some point. I’m not very good at handling uncertainty and uncertainty is all there is for the foreseeable future. By association I’ve become a puppet in someone else’s sociopathic games, which infuriates me because the person who is direct line of this sociopath’s actions certainly doesn’t deserve it, but there doesn’t seem to be anything concrete I can do to help. And I sure as hell don’t deserve it either.

It doesn’t help that this past holiday season has made my top five list of Worst Holiday Seasons Ever. I would probably put it at #2, actually (2002 still holds the #1 spot, for the sheer family fuckery of the entire year). I’ve felt as if I were an afterthought to some of those close to me, both of the family and not-family variety. I don’t handle that well either.

And I’m just very tired of financial scrambling – no matter how hard I try to get back on my feet, I can’t seem to quite get there.

I’m just tired. Tired of eyes filled with tears. Tired of the pain. Because right now, my heart hurts. My mind hurts. My soul hurts.

Here’s hoping the tai chi I’m starting today can help with some of that.

And here’s hoping that 2008 will get better. Because I’m going to try hard with a vengence.

oh joy oh rapture…

So, I went to the doctor yesterday to see what this big red bump over my eyebrow is. This big red bump that is getting bigger and more painful every day since it first started developing on Friday afternoon.

It’s staph.

Oh joy.

I’ve got anti-biotics to help eradicate the buggers. It’s pretty itchy so I’m trying very hard not to scratch it. I even slept with gloves on last night so I wouldn’t scratch it in my sleep. And I’m practically attached to my little bottle of hand sanitizer to keep from spreading the bacteria, just in case. But damn, this thing is bugging the hell out of me.

Still, as I told HSTeacher last night, it’s probably a good thing that, if I was going to get staph, it showed up on my face. If it were on my back or my buttocks, where I can’t really see it or where I’m especially cushy, it would have taken longer for me to notice it and to get it treated. As it is, it was caught before things got really bad.

Doesn’t mean I’m not concerned about the location. The swelling is even a little bigger than it was yesterday and is putting pressure on my eye. If it hasn’t started improving by tomorrow, I’m going back to the doctor and seeing if I can get this thing lanced or something. Because I’d rather it not start messing with my vision. I just got these cute glasses and I ain’t giving them up.

starting to calm down just a tiny bit…

…some of the fires in Southern California, I mean.

Many of them are still ferociously blazing, unfortunately: the worst of them in San Diego County, for instance. But apparently the winds are finally starting to die down in L.A County, allowing the firefighters to start to get an upper hand.

Many have said this, but it’s true: this is the worst fire season that I’ve ever seen. I’ve lived in Southern California since 1977 and many fire seasons have come and gone, but so many fires simultaneously springing up over such a wide area is unheard of in my recollection. When I first heard about how broad an expanse the various fires covered, my first thoughts were arson. It looks like that may be the case in several of the fires. These are the sorts of people who need to be strung up by their most sensitive body parts and left alive for a very long time.

No one I know has yet been affected, which is of the good, but I still feel for everyone who’s been affected. If y’all want to help out and haven’t done so yet, please do.


On a less positive (and far more cynical) note, while I’m happy that the folks in San Diego County who are being displaced have found shelter at Qualcomm – amongst other refuges – I am furious that this sort of coordination and level of help wasn’t available to the folks profoundly affected by Katrina. Granted, part of it is that the head of FEMA in 2005 was an idiot who didn’t have the first clue of how to organize a sock drawer, let alone such a vitally important federal emergency agency. The current FEMA chief comes from an emergency response background and shows signs of competence that is stunning for anyone appointed by Bush and Buddies.

However, that doesn’t excuse the continuing lack of attention paid by the federal government to the fine folks in New Orleans and the surrounding areas. There’s no reason why ALL the federal attention is going to the displaced in Southern California and none is being diverted to NO. Well, no good reason. The only other thing I come up with – besides FEMA being run by someone who knows a thing or two about fires – is that the areas hardest hit by the fires are in northern San Diego County. And if’n ya know anything that area, you know that the residents are, for the most part, rich, white and Republican.

Cynical? Perhaps. But being “governed” by those currently in the Executive Branch has engendered a definite cynicism where none previously existed. Besides which, I, like many others, have seen how this administration caters to the wealthy and Republican. It’s certainly not beyond the realm of probability. It would also explain why the only people really doing anything to help the Katrina-ravaged areas are those who live there. People who, for the most part, are not rich, are not Republicans, and are less white per capita than the population of NE San Diego.

Again, I am happy that the displaced have got quality shelter. But the federal government still needs to turn their attention back to the Gulf Coast.

We’re ALL American citizens, Bush and Co. Don’t you dare forget it again.

too easily amused…

…yep, that’s me. Because I just had to keep watching this video, over and over:

Well, it’s way too much like my own experience. That could be any one of my three cats.

(Tip o’ the hat to John Scalzi from his By the Way journal.)

Further proof that I’m too easily amused? While shopping on Monday, my eye was caught by the latest People:

Wow, I thought, that explains so much. No wonder they’re both still “eligible bachelors.” Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Don’t worry, George, I still think you’re sexy.

I started walking away, then stopped and walked back. I moved the card that was blocking the bottom of the cover and saw:

Ah. Now I get it. Let’s hear it for real women! Who both look like models/actresses! Whee!

Yep, too easily amused.

i can has quiz?

Gently taken from Kymm:

Your Score: Lion Warning Cat

74 % Affection, 72 % Excitability , 40 % Hunger

You are the good Samaritan of the lolcat world. Protecting others from danger by shouting observations and guidance in cases of imminent threat, you believe in the well-being of everyone.

Link: The Which Lolcat Are You? Test written by GumOtaku on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

going to the creation museum…

…so you don’t have to.

After initially saying,“No, I don’t wanna,” John Scalzi has been persuaded to take a trip to the outrageously ridiculous Creation Museum. But only if folks donate money that will be given to Americans United for Separation of Church and State.

Since this challenge will bring money to a worthy cause and a delightfully snarky report, I highly recommend that y’all check it out. $250 will insure Scalzi’s trip, so pledge whatever you can!