musical interlude: i’m yours…

Because I’m a sappy, sappy woman, I decided that I’d put together a mix CD for CuteFilmNerd for Valentine’s Day. Songs that I felt expressed our relationship over the last (almost) two years were pondered and selected and rearranged until I felt it was as close to perfect as it was going to get. But there was one song that I knew I had to include from the moment I listened to the lyrics. One that had to be the coda of the CD:

http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer.swf/track=3780605421/size=venti/bgcol=000033/linkcol=CCFFFF/
I’m Yours Lyrics (#9 – 2/3 of the way down)

Have I mentioned how much I love Marian Call’s music?. ‘Cause I do.

symphony of science – “our place in the cosmos”

Okay, I know I just wrote that I was going to resist the urge to post photos and videos to wuss out on my commitment to post something here on a regular basis, but since I neglected to post this video when it was first released last month, I realized that I HAD to post it today.

The Symphony of Science released another lovely video: “Our Place in the Cosmos.”

The opening strains bring to mind a nice Barry White groove, which is strengthened by the first voice heard – deep, gravely (yet English accented) tones:
With every century
Our eyes on the universe have been opened anew
We are witness
To the very brink of time and space

For all you geek boys who are interested in a geek girl (especially one into all things space related), but have no idea how to make the first move, I strongly recommend that you play this video for her. Aw, yeah. I can imagine lots of little baby astronomers being conceived to this:

THAT’S hawt.

symphony of science – “we are all connected”

From the same people who brought us the amazing “if you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe” video is this marvelous bit of music video:

It looks like they’re making this a regular thing. Needless to say (but I’ll say it anyway), my inner science groupie? Is squeeing with glee.

BTW, this goes out to Janiece, who is in NerdLove with Neil deGrasse Tyson. Then again, who isn’t?

if you wish to make an apple pie from scratch…

you must first invent the universe.

I am completely and totally in love with this.

The science groupie in me is squeeing all over the damned place.

H/T to Bad Astronomy and Thordr commenting on Stonekettle Station.

musical interlude…

This morning I was looking for the lyrics to a lovely song by Nanci Griffith and I realized that I hadn’t listened to it in quite a long time. It was as lovely as I remember it, so I’m going to post it for y’all today. Enjoy!

http://www.odeo.com/flash/audio_player_standard_gray.swf
“Southbound Train” from Flyer by Nanci Griffith | Lyrics | Purchase

musical interlude…

Here’s the thing: I am a sappy, sappy woman. A sappy woman with high musical standards, mind you, but when I hear a song that pierces my heart, it’s all I can do to keep from tearing up. Even then, I’m not entirely successful (such as now – while at work).

So when this song was first sent to me via a now-defunct “Song of the Day” listserv which I used to belong to, I turned into a weeping pile of goo. It was through the listserv that I “discovered” Jason Robert Brown, a Tony-award winning composer who is the only living composer that comes closest to Stephen Sondheim, in my estimation.

(The only other contemporary musical theater composer who came close was Jonathan Larson, who died far too young just as RENT was starting its first off-Broadway performances. I can only imagine what brilliance he would have had before him.)

As Sondheim is the closest thing to a musical god in my book, it’s not a title I give lightly. But I think it’s one that JRB can hold with no effort – he’s that good.

[audio:http://ordinarygoddess.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/JasonRobertBrown_SomeoneFallBack.mp3%5D
“Someone To Fall Back On” from Wearing Someone Else’s Clothes by Jason Robert Brown | Lyrics | Purchase

BTW, this goes out to my honey.

musical interlude…

CuteFilmNerd and I spent the July 4th weekend away from the computer and earning a little extra money. Nothing exciting, but it did entail us not being within communication distance of each other, with our iPods keeping us sane and helping the time pass by.

I listened to a lot of Real Time with Bill Maher podcasts, but I also listened to a little music. And the music that really helped me out? Marian Call. A geek girl with a lovely voice, a wicked sense of wordplay and a typewriter as one of her musical instruments, her music makes me smile, laugh and cry, sometimes in rapid succession.

At the moment, the only album of hers that I have is Got to Fly, a tribute to geeks everywhere, though the songs are inspired by Firefly and Battlestar Galactica. You don’t have to be a fan of those shows to enjoy the songs, because they are immediately identifiable to anyone who has lived life.

The opening song is one that geeks the world over can relate to:
http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer.swf/track=3127770191/size=venti/bgcol=000033/linkcol=CCFFFF/

There are some lovely songs on the album, such as “Dark Dark Eyes” and “In the Black” (a fan video – approved by Marian Call – can be found here).

But the song that kills me every time – the one that I identify with the most – is “Good Old Girl”:
http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer.swf/track=2956828037/size=venti/bgcol=000033/linkcol=CCFFFF/

Wow.

If you’re a fan of gorgeous music that is simple yet complex, with a lovely voice and sense of whimsy, buy Marian Call’s music. You’ll be glad you did.

*************************

CuterFilmNerd and I also spent the evening of July 4th at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery and watched Jaws in the cold night air with fireworks going off in the background at another location (I don’t know where). It was weird and kinda creepy and fun and I’m happy we did it – I’d never been to any of the Cinespia screenings before, though I’d certainly heard about them.

In many ways CuteFilmNerd and I are very well suited for each other, which is why we’re together and why, when a certain song popped up on my iTunes today, I felt moved to email it to him:

musical interlude…

Haven’t done one of these in a very long time. Let’s change the format slightly:

While I watch a fair bit of TV, and even like some of it, there’s only one series currently on air for which I have an unbelievable amount of love: Scrubs. It’s crazy, loopy, corny and humanistic all at the same time and, even when it’s not very good, it’s one of the best shows out there.

It’s also got some great songs woven throughout the series, one of which is above. Scrubs has got to be commended for bringing Colin Hay back into the American limelight. Granted, in his Men at Work days, I liked his work well enough, but didn’t think much about it. However, Hay’s acoustic renditions of Beautiful World and Overkill are fantastic. I can hum/sing Overkill for days on end. And I have.

However, Beautiful World hits me in an unexpected place. The first time I listened to the lyrics I teared up, thinking about how sad it was that the protagonist of the song was merely settling for less:

And still this emptiness persists.
Perhaps this is as good as it gets.

That used to kill me.

But not now.

Somewhere over the last few weeks I listened to Beautiful World and thought, “Maybe he’s not settling for less. Maybe he’s just finding the joy in the little things.” And I brightened up a little.

Because sometimes the little things? Are the only places a person can find joy.

Silly sweet TV shows. Beloved music. Frightfully gorgeous musical movies. Stunning sunsets and landscapes. Staring out over the rolling ocean waves. Stroking and scratching kitties and puppies. Cuddling. Laughter.

The big things? Can disappear in an instant. Break a person’s heart. Make a body wonder why and where and when. Can come close to destroying someone who never saw it coming.

But the little things? They’re nearly always constant. They can usually be found even in the worst of times, if only for brief moments. Even after nights that are straight outta Overkill – nights where the thoughts and fears over the big things are so overwhelming that one is literally immobilized, uncertainties turning into terrors, the sneaking suspicion that one’s mind is just broken and why won’t it shut up, shut up, SHUT UP and let you sleep? One doesn’t want to take the pill, because it’ll just prove that you’re not as strong as you thought, not as strong as you used to be.

But one needs to sleep. One needs to calm the ghosts, however briefly, knowing that they’ll just come back again soon, and fall asleep in the arms of one’s love.

Because the little things? Will also return. And they’ll bring joy again.

giles is dreamy…

…at least my iPod and iTunes think so.

While riding the bus into work this morning, I was listening to my lovely iPod, as I am wont to do while riding on the bus. And my lovely iPod decided that it really, really wanted me to listen to Music for Elevators, which I bought several years ago whilst in the throes of my deep Anthony Stewart Head crush.

(I still think he’s impossibly yummy, mind you. It’s just, now that I have my own nummy treat of a boyfriend, I’m a little bit more in control of my celebrity crushes.)

Oh, the iPod would toss in a few non-Tony Head songs, to throw me off the track, but I could tell what it was up to. Not that I minded – his voice is sublime and the music is good (even if I find the lyrics a bit on twee side).

But, once I sat at my desk and started up my iTunes, it immediately started up with It Doesn’t Matter by Allison Kraus and the Union Station, which I got from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Album. And that august TV show featured, of course, Anthony Stewart Head. Soon afterwards the iTunes also chimed in with Music for Elevators songs.

Of course, now that I’m writing about it, the iTunes has decided to explore some of the other artists I have loaded up, such as Simon and Garfunkel, Richard Thompson, Laura Cantrell, Sligo Rags and Emmylou Harris. But I just bet that, a few minutes after I post this entry, iTunes will be swooning over Tony Head again.

At least Apple products have good taste…

musical interlude…

From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, boy
My heart said follow through.
But I know now that I’m way down on your line
But the waiting feeling’s fine

So don’t treat me like a puppet on a string
‘Cause I know how to do my thing
Don’t talk to me as if you think I’m dumb
I wanna know when you’re gonna come

See-
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love
‘Cause summer is here
And I’m still waiting there
Winter is here
I’m still waiting there

Like I said-
It’s been three years since I’m knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh, boy, ooh, boy, is it crazy? Look, I wanna know now
For I to knock some more

You see-
In life I know
That there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I’m waitin’
While I’m waitin’ for my turn

You see-
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love
I don’t wanna wait in vain for your love
‘Cause summer is here
And I’m still waiting there
Winter is here
I’m still waiting there

Like I said-
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna wait in vain
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna wait in vain

It’s been three years since I’m knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh, boy, ooh, boy, is it crazy? Look, I wanna know now
Like I said-
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I’m waiting
While I’m waiting for my turn

You see-
Ooh, boy, ooh, boy, is it crazy? Look, I wanna know now
For I to knock some more
In life I know there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief

Waiting in Vain by Annie Lennox (from Medusa)

Man oh man, are the memories coming back.

So much has happened since I was first given this CD three years ago. And the young man who it to gave me was one for whom I felt these feelings all too keenly.

Well, those of you who have been following along with your intrepid heroine from the beginning know the outcome of that. For those new to these pages, four words: crash and burn, baby.

Oh, we’re still friends. Not as nearly close as we once were, perhaps, but I have to take full responsibility for that. He’s still been there for me when I’ve needed him, even when I haven’t asked for his support. He’s a good guy like that. I wish I could say the same of me for him. I’m hoping that’ll change.

I’ve dated extensively in the intervening years (okay, mainly this year), and found myself having similar feelings for another friend, whom I’ve never dated. Might have something to do with the whole “From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, boy/My heart said follow through” thing. Seriously, the first time I saw his profile nearly two years ago I thought, “That is someone I must meet and get to know.” And now we’re great friends. But being able to recognize the signs of a hopeless torch being carried (hello, previous experience!), I was able to put the brakes on that car before I drove over another cliff. Well, most of it, at any rate. I think a wheel’s been hanging off the edge there.

And now?

For more than a month I’ve been dating someone. The same person. Over a whole month. Stranger yet, he’s drawing me from behind the walls I’ve built up around me. Walls that I thought were fifty feet high and constructed of pure solid titanium, but which might be mere canvas flats after all. My heels are still wearing grooves in the earth, at least a little bit, but I find myself missing him when we don’t see each other, such as this week (ah, the joys of dating a single father – I recognize and accept that his children must come first, but I still miss him). We talk or email nearly every day. Until this week we saw each other at least once a week, and sometimes twice. My lack of a car and his residence in the South Bay preclude us from seeing each other more than that. At least for the time being.

I smile when I think of him, feeling my face soften and my heart warm. When we are together, I just want to put my arms around him or lean on his chest or feel his hot bare skin against mine. And it’s not just because the boy knows what he’s doing in bed (though I won’t deny that might have something to do with it).

He’s intelligent, kind and thoughtful. I’m used to men treating me well. I’ve been very fortunate in that way – even the two gentlemen mentioned above have sung my praises for the most part – proof that even when my feelings are hopeless, at least the men are worthy. (They’ve even said things to me that sound remarkably close to a few lines from this song.) Still, I’m amazed that HSTeacher treats me like a princess. No, like a goddess. It’s astounding to me.

He’s not a vegetarian, but he was, back in his Santa Cruz days, and when we’re having dinner together he eats only vegetarian food. I never asked him to. He just does it because he wants to.

We have many things in common. We’re not carbon copies of each other, but our politics and mutual love of science fiction and interest in metaphysics – amongst other things – are very complimentary. On our second date he turned to me and said, “Uh, Carol, I don’t want this to sound like an insult, but, uh, you’re kind of a nerd.”

I raised my eyebrow in a very Spockian manner. “Kind of? Trust me, that’s not even close to an insult. But I prefer to think of myself as a geek – I don’t know enough technical stuff to be a nerd.”

When I gaze into his big brown eyes, I find myself happy, then shy, and I bury my face in his chest, which makes him laugh and hold me closer.

He makes me laugh. Y’all know how important that is for me. And I make him laugh, which I love to hear.

We’ve, well, he asked me a couple of weeks ago if I felt comfortable with him referring to me as his girlfriend. At the time I was simply not ready for that and I told him as gently, but as honestly, as possible.

Recently I told him that, if he wanted to call me his girlfriend, I’d be cool with that, as lately I’ve been thinking of him as my boyfriend.

Yeah. Me. A Boyfriend. Capital “B”. Who’da thunk, huh?

I’m still a bit cautious. There have been one or two other gentlemen over the last few years who were promising, but where nothing came of their pursuits (LiterateLawyerGuy, anyone?). Yet, this whole experience is filling me with wonder.

I have to say that maybe, just maybe, I won’t be waiting in vain anymore.