hey there, neighbor!

Say, friend, are you tired of those pesky Jesusphiles knocking on your door, asking you if you’re ready for the end of the world? Are you just too damned polite (or half asleep) to slam the door in their faces, but you want them to leave with more than your usual mumbled, ‘Sorry, not interested.”? Do you wish they would just never darken your door again?

Well, friend, have I got just the thing for you! Head on over to Stonekettle Station! Jim will set you up with just the perfect thing to get rid of the nosy Jesus freak in your neighborhood!

Me: “End of the World? What are you selling, bomb shelter plans?”

Woman: “Ahh ha ha, bomb shelter pla… No what I’d like…

Me: “Cause I could use me some good underground bomb shelter plans.”

Woman: “No, I…”

Me: “Does your shelter plan have a place to store food and guns? Lots and lots of guns? Because when the Zombie Apocalypse comes you’re going to need lots of guns…big ones. Are you selling guns?”

Woman: “I, uh…zombies?”

That’s right! Stonekettle Station has just the brush-off you’re looking for!

(Easy payment plans for all. Free delivery for residents of Alaska.)

Just remember to make a left at Albuquerque for the best deals in verbally drop kicking your local door-to-door religious nuts – at Stonekettle Station!

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