Something to remember.
*************************Just a quick update on the CuterFilmNerd situation:It’s been about two and half weeks since we met on the dating site and a little over two weeks since we met in real life. Thanks to his geographical desirability – clocking in at about two to three miles from my place – we’ve seen a lot of each other in those two weeks. More often than HSTeacher and I saw of each other in our first two months (he lives 30+ miles away). As a matter of fact, during the first week there was only one night we didn’t see each other. Last week we slowed it down a bit, but we still spent most of the weekend together, as we did the previous weekend.It’s really nice.We’ve got a lot of things in common, which is of the plus. As is the fact that the first time we just looked into one another’s eyes I felt electricity zinging through me. I still feel that. We like each other as people, which is a huge plus. But we’re not at all carbon copies of each other. I mean, the man hates tomatoes! And mushrooms! Two things I love! At least he’s got the love of garlic, chunky peanut butter and peanut related sauces going for him. And the whole vegetarian thing. That gets a big thumbs up from me.
He knows of my recent breakup and that I’m still working through emotions related to that. While I’ve got a much better handle on my feelings than I did last month, every once in a while an hereto unknown emotion will creep in and whack me up the head, usually in a really unexpected way, such as losing my shit at my roommate over something relatively innocuous. I work hard to make sure that those emotions don’t affect what’s going on between CuteFilmNerd and me, but he completely understands when it has. He’s said that he doesn’t want us to go any faster than I’m comfortable with.
Dealing with crap isn’t all one-sided: he’s got his own shit he’s dealing with, shit that I’ve experienced myself, so I know what he’s going through and am as supportive as I know how to be. We’ve talked about what’s happened in our lives, revealing things to one another that we either had never revealed to others or didn’t reveal until we had known people for a long time.
CuteFilmNerd and I have compatible long-term goals. That was one of the things that HSTeacher and I couldn’t really agree on and one of the big things that shoved a wedge between us.
I don’t know what to call this thing we’ve got going. Is it too soon to call it a relationship? My instinct says yes. Mainly because I’ve been with men in the past who were promising, who I swore were different than the others, and my associations with those gentlemen collapsed all too soon. But whatever this thing is, CuterFilmNerd and I have decided that we’re going to see where it leads us. It helps that we’ve both been around the block a few times, so we know that the block isn’t all there is.
I’m still sometimes drawn to the past, my memories going over the last 18 months and thinking about both the good and the bad times between HSTeacher and me, because, as I’ve said before, I don’t heal that easily. But more often than not I’m looking at my present and looking to the future.
Crossing my fingers for the future…