valentine’s thoughts…

As is the case with far too many things in my life, I have conflicting feelings about Valentine’s Day.

There is a part of me – a larger part than many realize exists – that wants to just tell Valentine’s Day to go fuck off. The reasons why are myriad: any real meaning – whether historical or romantic – has been commercialized and marketed to the point where it’s become nothing more than a sanitized, shrink-wrapped, saccharine celebration of “perfect love”; its now overwrought “meaning” dictates a certain way that men must present this “perfect love” to their mates, especially if their mates are of the female persuasion – anything less than chocolates and flowers and wine and jewelry and candlelight and the men are found to be wanting in their love for their women; and, perhaps not all that least, my ex’s birthday is Valentine’s Day, which faintly colors everything associated with the day – while I don’t hate him, there is still a fine thread of bitterness that runs through my thoughts of him, as I’m someone who has a lot of trouble forgiving those whom I feel have done me wrong, no matter how hard I may try.

And yet…

I am, in my deepest heart of hearts, an unremitting and unapologetic romantic.

I don’t know why. Perhaps this is one area in my make-up that is seriously driven by my astrological influences. Not to get too far into it, but I’m a Taurus, ruled by Venus, and I have a hell of a lot of water signs in my chart. For those who know a thing or two about astrology, y’all know how emotional that can make a girl.

(For those who are atheists or have a super-scientific bent [and you know who you are], stop your snickering and indulge me, m’k?)

Or maybe, in this respect, I am by nature a serious girly-girl, no matter how I may fight against it. I love flowers. I love chocolate. I love jewelry and music and candlelight and cards and all of the other hokey trappings of what our society has defined as romantic love. I’ve got a traditional streak that runs deep in me that my rebellious side can’t seem to overcome.

Or maybe I just want to say, “Fuck you,” to my ex and reclaim the day as rightfully mine, declaring that no one can take this hokey, over-commercialized day from me, dammit. I’ve gone through far too many Valentine’s Days without a valentine. Now that I have one – for the second year in a row – I want it to be a day for us, with no ghosts intruding. Even though I honestly believe that we don’t need a designated day to demonstrate our love and that our love doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be ours.

Or maybe it’s all of the above. My mind, as usual, wars with my heart when it comes to this issue. Neither seems to realize that this is a war that cannot be won. A truce must be struck.

Karl Elvis is right. HSTeacher is right. Love isn’t about pretty pieces of paper. Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be about pre-packaged sentiments, much as my unwavering romantic heart thinks it might be. If it’s to be about anything, it should be about sweaty, messy love with all of its imperfections. It should be about passionate companionship, whether that takes the form of hanging out in the same room while nerding out on separate computers, rubbing your loved one’s shoulders and neck and back to help relieve the stress of a bad week or engaging in screaming, grunting, tear-down-the walls sex that keeps your neighbors up as you call each other’s names out into the night.

Still, if that passionate companionship is accompanied by chocolate or flowers or cards, well, my Venus ruled heart won’t turn them away.

(Happy Valentine’s Day, HSTeacher. I love you.)


  1. Carol,
    I’m Bri’s girlfriend. I occasionally get to reading your blog and this one struck a chord. I’m a romantic too. You ARE justified in loving those heartfelt gestures that are extended on Valentines day. Afterall, in the busyness of everyday life we forget sometimes to really show our loved one what they mean to us. Valentines Day makes us stop and think about the other. It’s just natural that womens’ fire is fueled by simple gestures, from time to time, that show them their man thinks of them. Men’s fire is simply not fueled the same way. It really doesn’t matter how big or how small the gesture (even a simple e-mail note will do) but rather about the fact that they care about bringing a smile to our face and heart (and making us swoon). It’s a win-win; because who benefits from that tear-down-the walls sex eh? Good post.


  2. Hi Suzanne, thank you for your comment. What you write is often true, though when HSTeacher and I were together he often made the simple gestures that showed he cared, without it being a special day. In the end we weren’t right for each other, but we both tried to do the little things.

    Having a day to remind us to show those we love how much we do love them isn’t such a bad thing. I just hate that so many people seem to think that it’s okay to limit it to a few days a year. I want to make sure that my SO (whoever that may end up being) knows every day that I love him. My hope is that he would feel the same way. Even, as you say, if it’s just a simple email or even just a text message.

    Good comment. Thanks again!


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