g-d, I’m a jerk…

No, seriously, there are times when I am the biggest jerk. We’re talking, Queen-Goddess Jerk of all Jerkdonia.

This week has been one of those times.

Don’t write to tell me I must be mistaken. Alternately, don’t write to tell me that of course I’m a jerk and why did it take me so long to figure out? Because like most people I’m not always a jerk. Just at the worst possible times. Because when I do it I do it up so very wrong.

I’m not going to go into details because it involves the life of the person to whom I have been Capital J-Jerky, but trust me on this. However, I will say that there is a part of me that gets in my own way far too much and seems to be bent on self-sabotage. And that part seems to be growing exponentially as I get older. Especially when life is going fairly well and looks like it could get better. Which is why it decided to throw a Major Melodramatic Jerky-Fit in the path of someone who’s got enough crap to deal with right now.

Something’s gotta change. I’m not just hurting myself here. I’m hurting someone I care about. Someone who doesn’t deserve my histrionics, especially at this time, when having A Jerk around is just a Very Bad Thing.

I don’t know if words can convey how sorry I am. I don’t know how – or if – my apologies can repair what I’ve done. But I know one thing I gotta do.

I gotta stop Being A Jerk.

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  1. Oh my…
    Sigh. I have been there, so often in fact, it even amazes me. 😦 Like everyone, if we live life at all, we will eventually find that we have acted very human, and made a mistake. It might even be a life-changing mistake, but it is in fact, a mistake. We don’t mean to be human, but what’s a girl to do? Well, we can learn from it, and resolve to never do it again, but one things for sure, continually kicking ourselves over it never makes it better. Time is what makes it better. Hang in there sweetie, and know you aren’t alone. I am a jerk too… lol… so we are in good company. We goddesses need to stick together. 🙂

    Always, Carly 🙂


  2. Thank you, camsavwin and Carly. (It’s the “C” convention up in here!)

    Things are better – talking and the like were done and things aren’t irreparably damaged. But man oh man, did I feel like shit for making someone else feel like shit.

    And here I’d thought my Vulcan heritage had predominance over my Human heritage. Silly me.


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